The Only Thing I Know For Real
by DylanZero
Summary: Ashley gets a new reason to believe in miracles. A continuation of Shepard's and Ashley's stories starting a week after the end of ME3. (Including Extended Cut) Includes appearances from many cast favorites, and the start of an all new adventure for the galactic hero and the one thing he can be sure of in his life...Or lives.
1. The Prelude

***DYLAN'S NOTE:**

_I recently played through the entire ME series of games for the first time, (having played ME2 & 3 beforehand, yes this is all on a PS3) and before I had romanced Miranda there. Which was nice and everything, but after going through everything with Ashley, a chord was struck within me that never has been before with any game or form of "entertainment" period. I simply couldn't let things stand with the ending. Dylan Shepard's story has to continue. Anyway, the story takes place a week after the ending of Mass Effect 3 (High EMS Destroy Version). Shepard's surviving friends/crew are preparing for his_  
_funeral, and he...well...read on._

_There are spoilers ahead, if you hadn't figured that out. Dylan isn't anything like the default Shepard. Pale, green eyes, short brown hair, sky blue armor with traces of silver. Paragon, with slight renegade leanings towards The Council and any threat to his relationship, maybe just evil in general too. :P_

_End*_

* * *

It had a been a week since Commander Shepard had activated the Crucible and eradicated all synthetic life throughout the Galaxy and ended the Reaper threat that had taken a countless number of lives and laid down a path of destruction costing billions of credits worth of damages to every major civilization and species.

But it was over.

The tables had been turned for good, and in the face of sure destruction, this organic cycle was here to stay. Earth was a mess worldwide. Outside of a few pockets of South America and Antarctica that the Reapers had yet to hit, there was little but total destruction. But people had just now started to come back to this war-torn planet. Worldwide cleanup efforts and attempts to regain electricity set up by the Council. Truthfully out of respect for the man that had saved all of them, more so than of any worry about the human homeworld's plight. With no acting human councilor, they were free to undercut The Alliance and humanity just like they always had.

But truthfully the refugees were extremely grateful, regardless of the reasons for it. They had a long road ahead of them, every single person alive did. But humanity finally had their home back.

Today was not a joyous day for a certain group that had landed on Earth though. As the Alliance shuttle set down in Macapá, Brazil, one of the few places on the planet the Reapers' had left unscathed, outstepped a hardened old officer decked out in his standard Alliance uniform and hat, with a solemn look, greying beard, and enough wear and tear on his face to send chills down Evel Knievel's spine. Behind the man they call Admiral Hackett was what was left of Dylan Shepard's friends that he had left during the final assault in London.

The former Asari Professor turned Shadow Broker Liara T'Soni stepped out first, taking into account the sights of Earth at a semi-normal state. The grass was green, the sun was shining down, everything was so...peaceful. Liara mentally noted that a study of the Commander's homeworld would be a worthy task to honor him, should she find the time.

Out next stepped Garrus Vakarian and Tali'Zorah (formerly vas Normandy/vas Neema/nar Rayya) loosely holding hands, with Tali looking down through her mask, just looking at the ground, remembering the first time she stepped foot on her homeland, Rannoch.

"This feels so wrong. I haven't even seen Rannoch in peace. But Shepard was with me the whole way, he saved my world. Now I'm here on his and he's not even...he's not even..."

"Relax, Tali. Shepard knew what he was getting into. He sacrificed himself to make sure we could all see his world in it's natural state like this. It's not bad...could do with a little more silver though." Garrus stated in his usual cool and calm tone, though with a hint of his truly somber mood.

Tali chuckled slightly through her unseen tears at her unexpected Turian lover. She took solace in how lucky she really had been through it all. Finding Garrus, getting Rannoch back, even making peace with the Geth! Before they all shut down permanently after the Crucible was activated.

"Plus...I have a gut feeling there's more to all this. Shepard wouldn't die out of the blue. We should have learned that after the Collector fiasco."  
"Garrus...I don't think Shepard's coming back this time." Tali said, looking down again. Garrus looked back into the ship, at the second human Spectre and the woman Shepard proclaimed his love for, Ashley Williams, staring down at the Commander Shepard nameplate she refused to place on the Memorial Wall, that she had clutched onto in utter silence the entire ride to Earth, and continued to.

"Tali...if he really is alive, I can tell him I never stopped believing in him. If he's up there in that big bar in the sky, looking down on me...I can always say I was strong for his girl."

"You two were great friends, Garrus."

"He was the great friend. I'm just trying to finagle my way into getting him to pick up my tab...for once."

Tali laughed out weakly while Garrus mustered up enough inner strength to flash a smile, leading to Tali embracing him softly.

"Come on, we need to get outta here. Grab Ash for me and lets get to our cruiser. I hope the hotel they set up for us has working bathrooms."

"I'm glad you're here, Garrus." Tali said with affection, before climbing back into the shuttle and sitting down next to Ashley, placing her three fingered hand on Ashley's shoulder, which startled her and broke her from her trance-like state she had fell into, staring at Shepard's nameplate.

"...Are you o-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Ashley spoke with a renewed vigor, especially for a person who hadn't slept in a week.

"All I care about is getting this stupid "funeral" over with. I'm going right back to London after this is over and finding Dylan."

Ashley stood up and held Shepard's nameplate to her chest before beginning to walk out of the space-faring vehicle.

"Ashley, The Alliance hasn't cleared anyone to go back there yet."

"I'm bringing him home."

"But l-"

"I'm bringing him home."

Tali just stared at the former Gunnery Chief as she surveyed Macapá.

Ashley couldn't help but think back to her days in the Recruit Training Depot as she stood on the edge of the Alliance shuttle, staring out into the small stretch of plains where they landed. '_Only thing missing is Ellison chewing my ass out. I wonder if you're going to want to see this place again if-...when I find you, Dylan. ...How did you keep up this determined act so damned long anyway? I wish you'd left me a how to book on this sorta thing. Staying brave in the face of impossible odds. Going all out to complete missions everyone else thinks is crazy...at least I learned from the best, Skipper.'_

A small upward twitch formed on the Spectre's mouth, giving her a brief smirk as she recalled some of the Commander's adventures, with her and apart. That wouldn't last too long though.

"Alright, Ash. We need to go. Unless you want to sleep on a bench in this thing tonight." Tali had brushed past her and jumped out of the shuttle door onto the ground. She sighed inwardly, but then extended her arm to help Ashley out of the shuttle and onto the fertile earthen soil.

_'I wish you'd give me some sorta sign. Give me the extra reason to keep fighting for you...'_

The Spectre took her Quarian former squadmate's hand and hopped out, squinting her bloodshot eyes, finally facing the brunt of Earth's Sun beating down on her, as well as the agonizing heat the center of the Equator, Macapá, provides.

"Hey, Tali..."

Just then, as the former "vas Normandy" was about to answer the black haired beauty, Admiral Hackett walked back over to cut both of the ladies off.

"Williams!"

"Sir!" Ashley saluted the veteran, almost out of instinct. Though her crinkled brows and stern expression definitely gave the look of someone who wasn't particularly concerned with protocol or showing respect to anybody.

"We need to get a move on. The driver is getting more impatient than Blasto at a convention full of Vorcha. But while I was waiting for you two I found something to help you pass the time, I also think you'll find it interesting on a...personal level, Miss Williams."

A gasp could be heard, coming from the lips of Commander Shepard's love as soon as Hackett put his hands out from behind his back, showing Ashley the very same Tennyson poem collection Shepard had given her when she was in the hospital after her run-in with Cerberus on Mars, what felt like years ago. She couldn't help herself from snatching the poetry book out of the Admiral's hands and looking at it with the kind of affection that makes everyone around you uncomfortable. Especially when the people around you thinks the guy you love is dead. Especially when the people around you think you've lost your mind.

"Thank you, Admiral! I really thought I lost this. Shepard would have kicked my ass if he found out. Not literally though. If he knows what's good for him." Ashley felt her heart beating faster and faster as she talked to the Admiral and Tali.

"Tali, I'm sorry I snapped at you back there. I'm glad I've got friends here."

"No problem, Ash. I'm used to it anyway."

Before there could be anymore chit-chat among his two comrades that could hold things up anymore, Hackett stepped forward and spoke with cold professionalism. "Alright, lets all get going. I can't say I'm looking forward to burying such a noble warrior...again. Lets get it done, ladies."

"Yes, sir." Ashley saluted quickly, then trailed off behind the Admiral, as well as Tali, who couldn't wait to get to this hotel and get some sleep before Shepard's funeral. She hadn't been present at his last funeral, and was somewhat relieved she would get a chance to say goodbye.

As Ashley was walking to their car, she noticed that the Alliance bookmark Shepard had given her was still in place. She opened the book up to see a page with a small strip of light blue highlighting one of her many lines she particularly enjoyed. The color a warm reminder of Dylan's custom armor that seemed to always blend perfectly with her own blue gear she started wearing after their encounter on Horizon.

_'...I'm such an asshole.'_

Ashley felt a lump of sadness in her throat and felt the familiar sensation of fresh tears forming in her eyes at the thought of never telling Dylan about the reason why she changed her armor. Just then she looked down to read the part of the book she had seen highlighted in the first place.

_**Love's arms were wreathed about the neck of Hope,**_  
_**And Hope kissed Love, and Love drew in her breath**_  
_**In that close kiss and drank her whispered tales.**_  
_**They said that Love would die when Hope was gone.**_

_'The Lover's Tale? This was one of Tennyson's rarest poems. I don't even remember reading this, not in this book.'_

Suddenly the expression on Ashley's face turned to a smile. A real smile, not a faux one she tried to put on to assure herself or others Dylan was alive, This time...she knew.

_'Thank you, LORD...I knew you wouldn't let him just die in a pile of rubble. ...Wherever you are now, I'll be with you soon. I promise, Skipper.'_

With that, Ashley stepped into the modified hover car with everyone else that was there, everyone putting a consoling hand on her shoulder, and obviously her telling them all she's fine.

"Alright, everyone. We've got some food getting prepared for us, but we're going to have to wait a couple of hours. A second shuttle's on it's way here for some more people who are attending Commander Shepard's funeral tomorrow." Admiral Hackett again spoke up to everyone, giving them the situation.  
"Shepard had more people besides us that actually liked him? He would be really touched."

Tali punched Garrus in the arm as Liara stared obliviously.

"Garrus, the Commander was well respected among many, even before London. You don't need to be The Shadow Broker to know who's responsible for saving everyone from the Reapers."

"It was a joke, Liara." Ashley sighed at the Asari's lack of understanding of the intent of Garrus' comment.

"Dylan would think that's the right way to handle things. He'd just say something way more corny than that, Garrus. ...He wants people to believe in him. That he's doing just fine, wherever he's at."

Everyone in the car nodded in agreement, as well as let a small smile creep onto each of their faces. Clearly they were relieved that Ashley was showing some sign of becoming slightly more normal again.

As the car pulled up to the makeshift living quarters set up for them, Ashley thought to herself about what she said during the ride.

_'...I hope you all can believe in me too.'_

* * *

**Meanwhile...in London:**

Contrary to what Ashley thought earlier that day, Dylan Shepard was still lying on that small mountain of rubble. And he was definitely dying. The Alliance had sent a small team in to sweep the city, account for casualties, and make sure no Reapers had survived. Unfortunately they didn't reach where Shepard was, and had effectively marked London as the lowest priority of Human rebuilding due to it being the most heavily damaged place on Earth. As far as Shepard went, all of his Cerberus upgrades had been effectively rendered non-functional. He could move his right arm very slightly, and that was it.

He had lost a large amount of blood even from his natural body parts. He hadn't eaten or had anything to drink in a week, and was constantly slipping in and out of consciousness. The only thing keeping him alive was the one thing he had right now...resting in his hand, that same picture of Ashley he kept through all these years.

Suddenly his chest leapt up with a large inhale/gasp. He was awake again. Fading, but certainly not without proverbial kicking and screaming.

He looked at the picture of Ashley for probably the millionth time this week. With the little energy he had left, he smiled thinking of her, for probably the millionth time this week.

_'Every time...I won't let you be alone again, Ash. I'll find a way to make this right...I promise.'_

**Chapter End.**


	2. Preface

"So who else is joining this little get-together we're having tomorrow?" Garrus Vakarian said, as the small group that arrived in Macapá for the funeral of Commander Dylan Shepard stepped into an average sized building, looking about the size of a 21st Century hotel you could find in any normal American city of the time.

"It's a funeral, Garrus. Not some family reunion." The petit Quarian girl said through her protective environmental suit.

"In any case, I was told who has boarded the other shuttle and first you should know, that's it. We could only get Council clearance for two shuttles. The galaxy is too busy repairing itself and "regaining order" to honor the hero who gave his life to save it." The Admiral grimaced slightly in disgust at his last sentence.

"Shepard deserves better than this." Liara almost whispered with a touch of sadness.

"What he needs..." Ashley stepped forward with a scowl on her face and a fire in her eyes that could make a Krogan blush.

"Is for us to get our thumbs out of our asses and fly that shuttle right back to where we all left him to bring him back home...alive!"

The Turian general stepped up right beside Ashley and put a determined look on his face. "Ya know, I think our Spectre is right. We never found the Commander's body. I say screw the red tape. Shepard could be calling out to us right now. Lets get over there and drag him out of that grave that the Council's already dug for him!"

Ashley looked at Garrus and smiled slightly at her friend for wanting to help their friend (and love in her case). Tali, the Quarian admiral spoke in disbelief. "Shepard...I don't want to believe it either, but even he couldn't survive the Crucible and live for a week. The odds are so low...-"

"The odds of Commander Shepard being alive are none. The Alliance sent a full team to sweep the entire city and he and Anderson's bodies were the only ones who weren't found. And everyone else left even close to the perimeter was found dead! The Alliance wou-"

"With all due respect, Admiral. None of us answer to the Alliance. I can use my connections as a Spectre to get us clearance to go to London. We'll be there within the hour!" Ashley started to shake with excitement as her plan came together. "You may not answer to The Alliance anymore, Williams. But we all have to deal with the Council. If anybody on this planet tries anything like you're suggesting, I'd be forced to call in a team to arrest you...Please don't make me do that."

Garrus stepped right into Admiral Hackett's face, towering over him in the process and giving him an icy stare, the kind seemingly only Turians could give.

"So you'd rather kow-tow to the Council than take a chance on saving your friend from an unfair death?...You've changed, Hackett."

"You're wrong, Vakarian. Don't think for a second that I don't want to go up there and search for him. Find some closure for all of us, one way or another. But doing that would get us all Blacklisted, and you both know that wouldn't help anything. And we also know Shepard wouldn't want that. For any of us." Hackett turned to Ashley saying that last sentence, while taking a long pause to catch his breath, as well as let his words sink in to this part of the Commander's former crew. "...Don't think it doesn't kill me to see this. I'm going to make some calls, see if we can't get clearance after the funeral. If we're lucky, maybe they'll put it off altogether and we can go ASAP."

"I'm sorry, Admiral. I was wrong to doubt in you, sir." Ashley gave Hackett a strong salute, although she still hated this situation.

"Don't forget who stood up for the Commander, and you when the Alliance brass caught wind of you too breaking the fraternization rules. I'll always have your best interests at heart. Now you all need to get to your quarters and report to the Dining area in 0300 hours to meet with the people in Shuttle 2. This conversation is over."

The group stood there in silence as Hackett walked away solemnly.

After a few stares given between the four and Tali shaking her head at Garrus. Ashley, Garrus, Liara, and Tali all went to their separate rooms. As they were walking away though, Ashley couldn't help but second guess their earlier stand-off with the Admiral.

'_I can relate to Hackett's struggles. Maybe Garrus and I should have gone easier on him...no. We need to get Dylan back! I need to...by any means necessary_.'

"Ma'am!"

Her thoughts were interrupted by the hotel worker assigned to her room saluting her and letting her in. A short, tan, Brazilian looking guy. No, he was from Argentina. Ashley could tell the difference between people of every South American distinction. It was a skill she picked up at the RTD in her younger days right there at Macapá. It helped her distinguish locals and enemies during an uprising during her time there.

_'I wonder if Dylan ever picked up any talent like that in his time here. I bet he fell asleep during all the talking parts. Ha! Couldn't wait to get to the action, huh, Skipper?'_

Ash let out a small grin as she nodded to the attendant and walked to her living quarters. After seeing it, she was glad she didn't plan a long stay. The walls were an ugly shade of light brown and of course had no pictures on the wall. There was simply a small bed that had white sheets on it and a desk next to it with one drawer, and was decorated with a lamp and a vase that seemed to have some meaning to the locals.

"5 star accommodations, my ass! Ah well, at least there aren't any bugs."

Ashley hung up her Commander Shepard nameplate she'd continued to hold onto on a rusty nail sticking out of the wall, before she plopped down on her bed and clutched the poetry book to her chest.

"It feels just like you're here with me, Shepard. That would make just about any place feel perfect to me. Well, as long as there aren't any rats. I hate those things. Or bombs! They're bad too."

"Is talking to oneself normal for a human, Spectre Williams?"

Ashley sat up on her bed and looked to see then"young" Asari, Liara T'Soni, standing there with a gentle, but smug look on her face.

"Why are you in my room, Shadow Broker? I thought the door guy would keep everyone else out. I was in the middle of planning an important strategy for something, I'll have you know. I just got sidetracked thinking about something stupid."

"I don't consider thinking about being embraced in the Commander's perfect arms stupid, Ashley."

"Watch it, Liara. I don't think now's the right time to test if I'm the jealous type or not...I am." She emphasized angrily to ward off her blue "friend".

"And I would watch what I would say if I were you, Ashley. Especially when I'm here to give you a present."

_'A minute in, and I already want to get away from this blue bitch. And that's with her offering me a present!'_

"Alright, Liara. I'll bite. What do ya wanna give me?"

"The same present I gave to Shepard before he made his last move into the heart of the Reapers..."

'_If this goes where I think it is, I'm shooting her once for trying to seduce me, twice for trying to seduce me NOW, and three times for seducing Dylan...my Dylan!'_

Liara walked around the bed and stared deeply into the former Lieutenant-Commander's brown eyes and took her hands in her own, not even noticing the blushing and look of disgust on the human's face.

"I want to...show you something. Something important. When Shepard was going to go to the Crucible, I allowed Shepard to link with my mind."

Ashley immediately jerked her hands away and leapt off her bed, pointing an accusing finger towards her Asari companion. "Liara! What the hell were you thinking!? How could you, how could he-"

"Wait." The Shadow Broker held up her right hand to calm the tension between herself and the human Spectre. "I promise you. It isn't what you think and I would never do that, Ashley. Not without his permission, which we know...you'll see, that he'll never give. I want to link our minds too. Perhaps it will help you find some peace."

"I don't need that!" Ashley yelled out, this time with a tinge of nervousness in her voice, still not sure whether to believe the Asari doctor or not. "I'll find my peace when I bring him home alive..."

"I know you want that. We all do. He was an extraordinary person, and touched so many people's lives. I wish...it doesn't matter now. I'm offering you a chance to know the man you care for most in a way few humans have. Just try and trust me, Spectre Williams."

Ashley's head was spinning. She was starting to feel like a child for acting so upset, though she was still uneasy about Liara's obvious affection for the Commander. She also felt a little guilty about wanting to do this anyway. Who was she to dig into his mind that way? She wasn't even that insecure before all this. Why did everything seem so much harder now? But in the end, the desire of getting to see Dylan again was too much to resist.

'_Growing up's for the birds. Plus maybe...maybe he told Liara something before he left for the Crucible, some clue I can use...'_

Taking a deep breath, Ashley sat down next to the alien next to her on the bed and looked at her with an untold amount of pain, before looking down and rubbing the sheets of the bed. Surprisingly smooth feeling for what is otherwise a simplistic setup in the room.

"I'm sorry, Liara. You've been a true friend to Shepard. Heck, way better than I was when he needed help. You were always better than me..."

"I appreciate the intent of your comment, Ashley. But there's no need to facilitate the idea that you're in competition with me. I respect those boundaries and always will. The need to worry is also considerably lessened now that he's go-"

"Don't say it." Ashley leered at the Asari at the thought of her accepting Shepard dying.

"I'm sorry. Would you still accept linking with me?"

"...Will it hurt?"

"There will be mild discomfort when I disengage from your mind. But nothing that won't go away after a few minutes."

"Do it, Liara." Ashley stared right into her eyes, shivering with anticipation.

"Embrace Eternity."

And embrace she did, as both of their eyes glowed quickly and for a few seconds all Ashley could see was black. But just as quickly as she started to worry, she saw a strike of lightning cut through the dark, and she was fully self-aware of herself standing next to Liara.

"...Where are we, Liara..?"

"We are in the depths of your mind, Ashley. I wanted us to get here so I can show you the memories Shepard had shown to me in London."

"T-T-This is incredible! I feel like I'm floating on air. I hope Dylan doesn't get mad at me. I hope...well, it won't matter what I hope. There are some things I need to know the truth about."

Liara turned to Ashley's presence with a quizzical look on her face.

"5 minutes ago you didn't want any part of this, now you have these many curiosities?"

"You're right, Liara...I didn't mean to blurt that out like that."

"It's okay, Ashley. But we have quite a bit to go through. Just to reassure you, I've blocked off all of each of our own minds to each other."

"So we can't like go and see each others' memories? Only Shepard's?"

"Precisely. I have no desire to let you, nor anyone see my inner-most thoughts. I can sense you too have some memories that you would prefer hidden...and they will stay that way. Thank you for trusting in me."

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity. Now about Shepard..."

"Right. Simply start with any of the questions you said you wanted answered. When you are done I will show you his last thoughts, if you desire."

Ashley stood there in amazement at the image of an eclipse in front of the two friends and allies. The thought of seeing Shepard's memories was overwhelming. Technically, they had not actually been "together" very long at all. Every time things aligned for her and Shepard to be right for them, something completely insane would show up and tear him right from her arms. In the end Ashley just felt confused. About if Dylan was alive, why she had these strong feelings about him, about this mind meld thing...Ashley grimaced just trying to wrap her head around all this.

"Just...show me what Dylan's favorite memory of me is! That should be easy, right, Liara?" Ashley said excitedly, almost in a child-like fashion that she almost had never shown in her entire life.

"Yes...lets see..."

Suddenly, the entire vision that Ashley and Liara were standing in front of was swept away and Ashley saw her slightly younger self laying down asleep in front of both Ashley and Liara in what was like a giant movie screen, laying in what looked like... "Shepard's old cabin! From the Normandy! And that's me...asleep? Huh?"

"We're seeing this from Shepard's point of view. The memory that resonates most to him positively regarding you, Ashley."

Ashley stared at the movie-like vision in front of her intently. Even she couldn't remember this. Well, from the looks of it she was asleep for this so she wasn't actually supposed to. Suddenly, Shepard's voice could be heard, which made Ashley's heart flutter.

_"You know, Ash...there's only one time in my life I felt like I had the same opportunity I have with you. I failed last time...almost everything in my life I failed. Well, besides the Blitz where I saved an entire colony. That went pretty well. Without that I never would have been anything. ...And look at me now. I let my best friend get killed, my entire crew get labeled as traitors, and I'm on the verge of letting the galaxy wiped out by a mind controlled madman. Some hero I am. But...I feel different now. If I have you with me I know I can kick everybody's ass if I have to. You gave me that strength, I believe in you, the same way you do me. And after what just happened, I finally got the chance to do...that for the first time. I promise I won't ever forget this. There's one thing I'll always be sure of...I love you, Ashley."_

Ashley could see her younger self sitting up slowly and groggily, with a huge smile on her own face, which she couldn't help but have on her own face right now after hearing Shepard's monologue.

_"Well now, that's a whole new spin for "on the floor and give me 20, huh?""_

The Ashley watching this turned a deep shade of red remembering the events that preceded this particular conversation.

_"Would you roll your eyes if I said this was the first time in months I felt that all is right in the galaxy?"_ _Dylan said in a more clear fashion to the mind melders, indicating what they heard before were his own thoughts and not out loud. "Yes..." Ashley said with a giggle._

"So wait a minute!" The memory faded away back to the gentle eclipse image they were looking at before as Ashley turned to Liara, who had tried to look away in shyness due to the memory of the former Gunnery Chief unclothed.

"His favorite memory was the night before we went to Ilos...our night. And he'd been a virgin..."

"I think that topic would be best kept between you and..."

"Shepard. You're right, Liara. I'll talk to him about it when I find him again." Ashley said with a smile. "If you can show me a great memory like that, what about his...what about his time with Cerberus? We never really got much chance to talk about it. Besides me accusing him of being controlled over and over, of course."

Ashley felt slightly queasy in regards to her treatment of Dylan, but remained steadfast in being justified. How could she have known what a bunch of terrorists wanted to do with him? She had to be sure, and Dylan understood that she was right to question him. He knew she always had her guard up, anyway.

"I don't know if viewing the memories I saw would be best for you right now." Liara said to her human meldee in a matter-of-fact tone.

"What? What are you talking about? Are you saying..?"

Ashley's heart filled with dread as she immediately thought back to their meeting on Horizon, when she saw her Commander alive for the first time again. Garrus was there too, and...her. Ashley would never forget the way the woman she would come to find out to be Miranda Lawson looked at him that day. After she sent Shepard the apology e-mail and didn't hear back from him, Ashley just assumed he had moved on. That was part of the reason why she kept her head held high about her prickly behavior towards Dylan for so long...and deep down, she could never convince herself she didn't regret more than anything. Regardless of what he did with that Cerberus bitch.

"Liara, if I see whatever you saw, will it hurt me?"

"...Yes." Liara said, but after picking up on the sad look on her friend's face and sensing the pain in her heart Ashley was trying so hard to hide, quickly added, "But I suspect in a different way than you think it will." "Just...just give me the mind video or whatever you call it, Liara. At least I'll know for sure."

"Very well."

Suddenly things flashed before Ashley at seemingly the speed of light, Liara quickly accelerated this process of the memories, and Liara  
started to waiver and groan in pain and discomfort.

"I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm running out of energy! Just try to relax."

Ashley was relaxed, but she didn't have a choice. The same images flashed through her head over and over, burning into her mind. Listening to Liara wasn't exactly highest on her priority list. Until the flashes and the visions stopped of course, and they were back in the hotel room in Macapá, with Liara sitting down on the bed, holding her head and Ashley panting along in a cold sweat, like she had just woken up from a nightmare. "Damn! All these thoughts in my head...that was crazy. I can't believe I did that. It felt like 20 minutes, but 20 seconds passed here. Lord..." Ashley sat down next to her blue friend and patted her on the shoulder, which caused Liara to look at her in a nonchalant fashion.

"Ashley, try to remember some of Shepard's memories. I transferred most of the ones that would interest you to your consciousness. I hope it helps you find...something."

Liara looked back down, suffering through a harsh headache caused by the melding.

'_I suppose I have no clear answer as to what I hoped to gain by doing this. Loyalty to Shepard? I had no idea Ashley considered infidelity on his part...if you could even call it that. I suspect Shepard had little idea of those concerns either. I'm glad you can see the truth, Ashley, instead of having me tell you and you still doubt it...humans are like that.'_

"Alright, Liara. Lets see what I can remember..."

As soon as she said that, the memories came to the human Spectre, as clearly as if they were her own. However, recalling them made her lips curl into an expression of both anger and despair as all she saw were the women of the SR-2 clearly coming after the Commander. First Miranda, then Tali, then an orange haired human with a boyish haircut, and a vulgar bald woman, covered all over with tattoos. She could see what they said to Dylan at the time.

_"Perhaps I wouldn't mind if you admired my body. I think I could live with it..." Miranda said seductively with her hand on her hip and a smirk on her face."_

"...Bitch." Ashley muttered under her breath.

_"What could I possibly be suggesting? I mean, a young woman gets rescued by a dashing commander who lets her join his crew and then goes off to save the galaxy? How could she possibly develop any kind of interest in him?"_ _Tali stood in Ashley's mind, slyly coaxing Dylan into her...suit._

_'What the hell, Tali!? I thought we were friends, like sisters even!'_

Ashley was fighting her emotions as she was "remembering" these things. She really wanted to shoot something right now. Preferably something living.

_The orange haired woman was up now, her name not departed to her memory banks by Liara either due to lack of time or interest. She stood in her mind, slightly awkwardly, but with a somewhat cheerful disposition._

_"Oh, Shepard. I wish there was time to get to know you better. Maybe over dinner in your cabin. Have a late night meal brought up to us?"_

_'Is a bimbo like this really Dylan's type? How could he fall for this?'_

Now Ashley saw the bald, tattooed, angry girl. No name for her either, but she was leaning against the wall and things looked dark wherever this memory happened at.

_"My turn with the questions! People usually walk by now. Why are you really asking all these things? You eyeing me up? Because if this is just about sex, maybe you should just fucking say so."_

Ashley stood up off the bed and looked at the dazed Liara with tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"For the love of...I could understand the perfect girl. But I didn't think Commander freaking Shepard ran a Cerberus party ship! I can't believe this..."

"Wait, Try to remember deeper. Focus on Shepard's responses to what you saw." Liara was worn down, but knew she had to see these memories through. Especially since Ashley looked ready to attack anyone she saw. And the Asari doctor was the only one around.

"Right. That's me. Always jumping to conclusions. Think, Williams..."

_Ashley's heart almost melted at the memories she saw next in her head. Rejection after rejection. Always calm and tender hearted, and even implying some level of emotional attachment with Tali and Miranda, but the point was always clear. His heart was closed off to everyone, and nothing anyone could do or say could change that._

_'Except for me.' _Ashley thought with a warm smile.

_Suddenly another memory popped into the suddenly emotional woman's mind, but this one was different than all the others she had seen so far. Dylan was in clear view, in contrast to the first person viewpoint that she "remembered" everything else in. He was standing in his cabin in the Normandy SR-2. He had a thoughtful look on his pale face, and was wearing some tight fitting grey, black, and white apparel._

_'Man, what a great ass.'_ Ashley thought to herself dreamingly. She couldn't help but think of all the things she wanted to do with that..._'Now's not the time for that! A minute ago I wanted to throttle him. I can think about that later. God.'_

_The Commander she saw in her mind now walked over to a desk in his cabin at the time, right after he heard Joker shouting "5 minutes 'til we hit the Omega 4 Relay!" over the Normandy's intercom. Dylan slowly approached the desk and picked up a picture...and just stared at it. He immediately had a big smile on his face. He looked like he was thinking over everything important in his life. And everything he was thinking of just happened to be in that picture of Ashley, in her old armor, a reserved smile plastered on her face...Dylan's greatest treasure at the time. Shepard put the pic down, gave a quick smile and nodded at it before punching his hand in anticipation and turning to put his armor on and go destroy the Collectors_.

Ashley's eyes closed as she couldn't remember any more, not that she needed to. Tears began to flow freely down her cheeks, words barely capable of escaping her quivering lips as emotions took over her exhausted mind and body.

"Ashley? Did you see the right memories? Shepard was faithful to you. Why are you crying?" A knowing Liara leaned over and put a supportive hand on Ashley's shoulder, trying to handle things as delicately as possible.

"I...I was wrong, Liara. He loved me from the start, he never even thought about being with another woman, no matter how hard I tried to push him away, he never gave up on me!" Ashley still openly crying, the anguish and almost self-loathing permeating from her voice. There was no way she would write him off as cheesy now.

"Shepard understood, it's o-"

"It's not okay!" Ashley surprised the Asari with her outburst, but continued talking in a defeated tone.

"I let so much foolish pride get in the way, my own fears twisted everything I thought about him against him. I mean, he never stopped wanting me, needing me...Six months. Six months he was under Alliance surveillance, which was bullshit! And I didn't see him one time. I thought about it every day, I thought about him every day...when I was in the hospital he was the only one to actually talk to me. Listen to me. He helped me be strong for my sister and...and..."

"Please calm down, Ashley." Liara fully embraced the hysteric Spectre in a hug now, feeling uncomfortable at the sight of such a strong woman breaking down in front of her.

"What did I do? Besides break his heart over and over? I almost shoot him! I mean...what if I'd shot him that day? Because my pride was too strong? I had to be a loyal Spectre, better than the best, I had to..."

"You didn't shoot him though, your heart was true to him, even if you didn't realize it yet. Don't forget the facts. Not to mention the most important part. He loved you."

"That's it though, Liara...I took all those days, months, years away from us...for all the wrong reasons. And I haven't been able to face it, but...what if he's really gone for good?"

This was the first time Ashley truly had doubts since the news broke. It was a hard pill to swallow, and she already knew she couldn't handle it.

"I don't know..." Was all Liara could muster to say. She almost cursed the goddess's name at her lack of emotional experience. She felt like she was failing her friend, even though deep down she wanted to grieve at losing Shepard as well.

Ashley dried up her tears from her face, rubbing her already deeply red eyes and going over to the drawer on the bedside table and pulling out a small bottle, immediately twisting off the cap and drinking down a fairly large gulp of the brown liquid inside.

_'Straight Whiskey. And it's strong. Perfect.'_

Liara stared on disapprovingly at her human friend, but with the sympathy building her heart, she still couldn't say anything that could help.

"Ashley!" Suddenly Admiral Hackett's voice sounded from outside the door, which gave Ashley the chance to close the Portuguese whiskey bottle and place it back in the drawer next to the Bible that was sitting there. She also noticed the small sign saying opening the drawer cost 50 credits that would be taken out of her bank account, right as Hackett barged in.

"Oh Liara, what are you doing in Spectre Williams' room?"

"I was just..."

"Doesn't matter. It saves me the trouble of going to find you. You can both get to the designated dining area now. Shuttle 2 has arrived."

"Uh...sir?"

"What is it, Williams?"

"Can you tell us who was on there? You never actually told us who was coming."

"Right. You should know most of them already, if not, I'm sure our Shadow Broker will." Hackett closed his eyes for a split second, the Admiral recalling the entire list he was given by the Alliance brass with relative ease, especially for one of his years.

"Urdnot Wrex, leader of the Krogan race. Jacqueline Nought, the head instructor of Grissom Academy. Kolyat Krios, a C-Sec officer and son of Thane, one of Shepard's best friends who was killed by the Cerberus assassin Kai Leng. And Miranda Lawson, ex-Cerberus scientist and the woman who saved Commander Shepard's life after the first Collector attack on the Normandy almost 3 years ago. Will any of those be a problem?

"No."  
"No sir!"

"What about Joker, sir?"

The Shuttle 1 crew had known about Steve Cortez, the pilot for the SR-2 that crash landed on Earth, as well as Lieutenant Vega, who stayed behind to protect his home planet when Ashley and the rest of the crew flew away...per the Commander's orders. But why was Joker not coming to his best friend's funeral?

"We sent the order to retrieve Flight Lieutenant Moreau for the Commander's ceremony, but he was unable to be found or even contacted. We're readying a minor search for him, but quite frankly we've got bigger problems."

"I understand, sir."

"Jeff's gone missing? Oh dear. We need to try to figure this out." Liara stood up and put her hand on her face in concern over her favorite pilot.

"At any rate, you two need to join us for our meal. It was Shepard's favorite. ...Williams. T'Soni." Hackett nodded respectively to the woman and Asari and walked off, with Liara ready to follow.

"Wait! Liara..." Ashley said, jumping off the bed and embracing the Shadow Broker into a big hug.

"What is it- Oh!" Liara was genuinely surprised, but let out a small, happy laugh at her comrade's positive outburst.

"Thank you for showing me that. I know it wasn't easy, especially with me turning psycho-emotional on you there. But it also made me happy to see more of the love he had for me. Hell, that mind melding stuff was amazing too. You're an awesome, uh...person. You know what I mean. Just promise you won't be having any of my babies or anything."

Liara sighed in amusement at her friend. "I'm going to rest. I feel completely drained of energy and I can give my greetings to my other friends tomorrow."

Ashley frowned at the thought of facing a bunch of women she wanted to beat the hell out of without her unexpected confidant there.

_'Wait, I have a great idea. Dylan would totally love this.'_

The Spectre went back over to the desk and quickly secured and down the rest of the whiskey bottle right in front of Liara.

"Why waste it, right?"

"Is risking what humans call...a hangover at Shepard's funeral really wise, Ashley?" Liara blankly stated.

"Well..." Ashley let out a humongous burp, followed by a giggle that the former Asari professor couldn't help but be amused by.

"See ya later, Liara. I'm ready to meet up with everybody again. It'll be just like old times..."

Liara gave a small nod, then retreated to her room, allowing Ashley to head to the dining room...stumbling in her Alliance gear as she saw the crowd of past friends and some newfound enemies.

"Hiya, everybody! *hiccup*"

Everybody turned towards the drunken woman who sauntered her way over to the table where Garrus and Tali had taken their seats at the table, with two glasses of white wine, one of which had a straw in it, for Tali's sake.

"My bestest friends! Garrus Vakarhynan and Tali Zorah vas...you Quarians have too many names. "

"Well, close enough."

"Here, Ashley, why don't you sit down? Here, have a drink with us. Celebrate Shepard!" Tali tried to be cheerful for her friend, despite her obvious drunken stupor.

"Y'know...he was such a great guy. I think I will..."

Ashley then reached over to grab Garrus' glass of wine, and when she lifted the glass up to her lips, the glass slipped out of her hand and after a comical attempt at catching it, managed to spill both glasses onto Tali's suit. Which Garrus couldn't help but giggle at quietly.

"Gah! You bosh'tet!"

Tali quickly grabbed a napkin and started wiping off her visor and suit in a vain attempt to get dry.

"Ashley, what is wrong with you?"

"Uh...sorry, I just thought you wanted to celebrate Shepard..."

"You were the one that offered her a drink in the first place, Tali. Give the girl a break, she's grieving, clearly."

The Turian gave Ashley a subtle wink before Tali could turn to his direction and give what Garrus already knew was an intense glare.

"Easy, baby. I meant to say I'll help you dry off and fix your breathing suit myself after this meal is done. "

"That's what I thought, you. And you!" The Quarian said turning towards the intoxicated Spectre.

"You need to lie down. Urgently."

Ashley simply shrugged off Tali's statement and slumped her way to the other end of the table, all while Admiral Hackett had started to keep a watchful, and angry eye on her. Only to see her walk by the ex-Cerberus operative and have the pale woman cry out in pain with her native Australian accent as Ash continued to walk by.

"Ow! That hurt you...hey! Don't walk away from me!" Miranda got up from the chair she was lounging in and grabbed the former Gunnery Chief by the arm, which resulted in Ashley drunkenly turned around and "accidentally" slapped the other woman's left cheek, leaving a noticeable handprint on her pale skin.

"Ouch! That's it! Now you're getting it, and I don't give a damn if you're a bloody Spectre!"

She wound up a biotic-enhanced fist and launched it towards Ashley, who had expertly readied to protect herself. Except, Miranda's fist stopped in mid-air.

"...What? What is this?" Miranda said confused, but then gasped, which Ashley did too, as the form of a ninja-like woman clad in black with a hoodie and a calm smile adorning her head and face appeared out of thin air, with two hands firmly holding Miranda's arm in place.

"What the hell are you doing here, Kasumi?" Miranda said in shock before putting her arm down and relaxing. "I'm here for Shep's funeral. What else? A little disappointed Jacob wasn't here, also that security on your Shuttle was so weak. When cloaked, it was a breeze."

"I don't know about any of this, but I do know that the ritual of death is sacred to my father and my people. I can't allow the Commander's journey through the sea to be interrupted by hostilities!" The young, aqua colored Drell, Kolyat Krios stepped forward to diffuse the situation between Ashley and Miranda.

The Admiral then walked up to Ashley, clearly fed up with her behavior. "I think Kolyat's right. And the best way to prevent anymore "hostilities" would be for Miss Williams to get to bed early. Forgive me Tali, Miss Lawson. I don't know you, Kasumi, but consider yourself warned. And under constant surveillance. Lets go, Miss Williams."

Ashley looked dejected, but complied and turned towards the stairs and back to her room.

"Wow! That slap was stiffer than most men, girl. Couldn't happen to a nicer girl than the Cheerleader. Heh." The tattooed girl with the ponytail and vulgar mouth known as "Jack" to Shepard and crew said to Ashley as she was walking by where she was, next to a large ice cream cake at the end of a second table.

"Heh! Yeah...she deserved it..." Ashley said, starting to slur her words.

As Ashley started to walk away again, she stumbled and ended up catching herself on the end of the table, and she had enough force to tip the other end of the table, and mostly the cake, straight up, shoving right into Jack's face.

"Alright, time to go, Williams!" Hackett stormed over and practically dragged the drunken Spectre away before Jack could get her hands on her and get everyone kicked out of the simple hotel.

"Haha! I always knew Shepard had great tastes! If he weren't dead already I'd have to kill him to win her honor." Urdnot Wrex finally stepped up, remaining mostly silent through the antics on display throughout the "dinner".

"Where's the food at anyway? I thought this was supposed to be some kinda five star hotel."

"It's nice to see we all have our priorities straight here. For a second I thought we were here because someone important died." Garrus spoke up in his usual sarcastic tone, that also took the sting off all the things Ashley set into motion.

Tali stood up and looked at her Turian lover with conviction. "Just remember, Garrus. I think it's safe to say that this could only be one man's funeral. It only makes sense that all the people he cared about would act crazy. Just another day in Dylan's life..."

Everyone in the room seemed to go silent, just remembering the man they were all here for. It was the one thing they could all relate to. Even Jack, who went from enraged, to somber after she cleaned the cake from her harsh face. No matter what happened, or what rivalries would be formed amongst them, there was one thing that would remain true...

They missed the Commander.

Meanwhile, up in Ashley's room, the drunken Spectre stumbled back onto the bed as Admiral Hackett stood in her door, a look of disappointment more than anger covering his ghostly face.

"I don't know what that display down there was all about, but you need to get ahold of yourself. This isn't honoring Commander Shepard's memory. If you pull something like that at the funeral tomorrow...Don't make me have to handle that situation, Williams."

"Aye, aye, Admiral. It won't happen that way. I promise."

Hackett just stared at her for a few seconds before turning and shutting the bedroom door behind him.

Ashley stood up after Hackett left, and walked to the Commander Shepard nameplate on her wall. With a flick of her hair and a smirk that formed on her mouth, she gave herself a mental pat on the back.

'_Shows what Hackett knows. You're a jealous bastard too, Dylan. I know you would have liked my performance...I wish you were here to make a joke about it all. I do feel a little guilty though. Nobody would have gotten close to you if I had just believed...in you... It was my own fault, after all_.'

Ashley sighed to herself as she snatched the nameplate from her wall and tapped it against her hand slightly, just staring at it thoughtfully.

'_O' Captain, My Captain...I'll make this all up to you, Dylan. I'll find a way to make this right...I promise.'_

Ashley went back to her bed and laid down, clutching the nameplate to her chest after she pulled the covers over her body. She was going to sleep for the first time since this all started...she was going to overcome any guilt or doubt. She was getting him back. Whatever it took.

"I'm sorry, Skipper."

* * *

**London:**

Dylan Shepard was in the same position he had been in for the last eight days. He needed a miracle, and that wasn't happening now. He already knew...he was screwed. His time was up. All he had was his picture of Ashley...and with an involuntary arm twitch, he dropped it.

"Nooooooo..."

Shepard groaned in despair as the picture, his life, had dropped down the rubble to the ground just out of his reach. He tried and tried and fought and fought to just move. That's all he wanted was to move. But he couldn't. His body was heavily damaged and he had no energy left. His vision started to blur, and he could see a light, he could see Ashley's smiling face...he couldn't fight anymore. He closed his eyes one more time, he was broken.

"I'm sorry, Ash."

* * *

Dylan opened his eyes. He was standing up. He looked at his clothes, the same he was wearing when he fired the Crucible. Only...there wasn't a thread out of place. He also noticed he didn't have a scratch on him. He was in perfect health. Heck, he'd never felt better! But suddenly a feeling of nervousness and dread overtook him as the realization of what happened began to set in.

"Come on now...tell me this is a dream...some kind of vision."

Suddenly the Commander's gut filled with a warmth and sense of love he'd never even came close to knowing before.

"Dylan. I assure you, what you see and what you feel is no trick of the mind."

The beating in his chest interrupted all of the thoughts that raced through his mind, all the Commander could do was turn around to face the source of the ethereal voice that reassured him. A magnificent light, that completely overshadowed everything else in sight, every sound, every thought meant nothing. This...this was where Dylan Shepard needed to be.

**Chapter End.**

* * *

***A/N:** _Boy was this a crazy long process. SO MUCH EXPOSITION. Talking about Ashley's day at the hotel was like 3,000 words longer than I thought it'd be, mind meld and all. But still, it was (will be) rewarding to see this put up. Really touched by the reviews and favs and stuff on Chapter 1. Thanks, guys. Hope Chapter 2 blows up even bigger. Me personally? Doesn't feel like my best work. But a necessary piece of the puzzle in my opinion. Things shift more towards a focus on Shepard in the next chapter, so be ready. Gracias._

**_Special thanks to xXISwearToBlackBalloonsXx. My real life sister _****_and _****_beta reader. Heck, it was her idea that I ever start writing here to _****_begin with. She works hard and I thank her for it, as well as for _****_talking me into doing this. Yay._**


	3. The Higher Pantheism

"So...it looks like our faith was well placed after all. I told Ash I was in a lot of foxholes."

Dylan Shepard was standing in his military outfit after pretty much getting blown up after activating the Crucible. Considering he felt like a million credits after that and was talking to a giant bright light, it was pretty obvious. He was dead. Or crazy, that would be pretty nice if he could wake up alive in a hospital somewhere.

"Indeed. The number of honest believers in me has become very few these days. Please know that it brought me joy, from both you and Ashley." The light said in a calm voice to Dylan, who was captivated.

"Well, that's good to know. But I'd like to know what's going on here. The last thing I remember was talking to that...Catalyst. And then I fired the Crucible! Wait, did the Reapers die? What about the galaxy? Humanity? What about my crew!?"

"Have no fear, child. You did end the Reaper threat, and everyone in your crew that had not already perished survived, thanks to your actions."

"What do you mean by that? Who had already perished?"

"Your shuttle pilot, Steve Cortez crashed, which you already saw."

"Oh yeah! I remember that now."

"Also your lieutenant, as you organisms call it, James Vega decided to stay on Earth when the rest of your crew evacuated to kill as many of your enemies as possible on his home planet."

"I guess there's no point in lying to you. I didn't like either of them and I won't miss any of the problems they brought."

"There are problems with that. I know you didn't appreciate James' interaction with Ashley, but you thought he was a good friend to you otherwise. And you liked his tendency for nicknames."

"Okay, maybe. Don't tell anybody though."

"Do not forget Cortez either. Even if you didn't enjoy his presence, or found him wicked, no good comes to you from another dying, no matter the merits of the departed. Do not hesitate to mourn them."

"You're right...I'm sorry." Dylan looked down in shame, feeling like a jerk for speaking ill of the dead that way. "I was just so sick of his whining...but wait a minute! I'm dead too now."

"By humanity's definition, that is correct."

Shepard had always maintained his composure during his life. From fighting off an entire brigade of enemy forces single handedly in the Skyllian Blitz, to going round for round with The Illusive Man and his entire Cerberus group, to having to unite an entire galaxy to fight the Reapers. But...having to face his own death? He couldn't help but to drop to one knee, despite the warmth that God provided him. But that didn't last, after a quick realization that nervousness wouldn't help anything now.

"I guess I knew this was coming, just like the Catalyst said. Hey! Was that you that created the Reapers? What was their real purpose anyway?"

"I did not create the beings you called the Reapers. The Catalyst did, who like all beings I created."

"Who was the Catalyst then? Why did he do that? To protect the galaxy from some sort of destruction?"

"No, not at all. The Catalyst of evil had no intention of saving anyone. The Reapers' purpose was purely to cause suffering to appease the Catalyst. He would order the Reapers to wait until organic numbers had stalled due to proper advancements in technology and the rise of synthetic beings, who could never feel the pain that organic life could, then they'd exterminate every one in an effort to feel the maximum amount of suffering, while leaving enough living to start his cycle over again. His explanation to you was quite amusing and I saw in your heart you didn't believe him. If he wanted to keep peace and save organic lives, murdering trillions and causing intergalactic chaos would not be the most logical way to accomplish that goal."

"What a monster! I'm glad I killed him...Wait, why did you create him then? Why didn't you just blow up all the Reapers to start with and save us all anyway!?"

"Because if I did that, I would not be the being I am, as well as the free will of mankind would be lost."

"What do you mean? I know you could have-"

"People suffered long before the Reapers, child. And they will continue to now that they are no more. It would not matter whether a person is killed by Reapers, or a natural disaster, or a gun shot, or if they lived in fear of dying or suffering for any number of reasons. Their feelings would be the same. If I were to interfere with the Reapers in a direct fashion, I would have to interfere with every living being's suffering. Eventually all pain would go. Though that would provide peace, things like happiness, courage, & heart would cease, and existence would lose all meaning. That is a fate worse than anything the Reapers could provide. Though I admit, I have indirectly aided the living on many occasions, when deemed necessary."

"I see...that's a lot for me to get my head around, but at least it was better than that crap the Catalyst tried to feed me."

"For example, how I brought you back to life the first time."

"I was just about to ask why I wasn't here the time the original Normandy got destroyed. And I thought Cerberus brought me back anyway."

"You were dead. No amount of monetary benefit or medical science can return a person's consciousness or soul. But their efforts were strong and your personal attachments to the realm of the living saw you return after I deemed it necessary."

"I don't remember any of that." Dylan shrugged while trying to recall the events of the time he was "dead" before.

"That's because I removed any remains of your thoughts and memories of our time together before."

"I wish you could have sped up that process and returned me before two years! Maybe Ashley wouldn't have been so hard on me and I wouldn't have had to work with Cerberus!" Shepard shouted defiantly.

"I deal with more souls than you could ever comprehend, my child. So many souls...but I did do a good job of getting you here fast this time. Just about 12 Earth hours."

"Oh...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have directed that towards you. I'm thankful you let me go back at all." Dylan felt a small amount of guilt in the pit of his stomach as he realized what a jackass he acted like by getting upset.

"Like I stated to you earlier, the example you set was strong, and you saved an astronomical amount of lives with your actions. Not only that, you vanquished a truly evil force, and united an entire galaxy of people to do it. You possess great courage, a unique charisma, as well as a noble heart. You are quite simply, a great human being. With flaws. Many flaws. But still a worthy definition of what you would call a hero."

"Well, God, when you put it that way, who am I to argue?" the former Commander said with a small smirk, which quickly turned into a frown as he remembered his actions with the Crucible.

"What kind of hero lets his own friends die? Ruins an entire race of machines that took centuries to build and thrive? It seems more like one big screw-up to me, just like everything else I did..."

"I told you, you have flaws like any other being ever created. You would have failed had you had malice in your heart. You did the best you could and you know that. Being negative has never lead to a positive outcome, as your kind would say."

"And Ashley says I'm cheesy." Shepard began to pace around aimlessly, talking to the creator of the universe in the sky.

"Remember, my son. I can fry you. But I can also tell your words are in jest."

"Thanks for the benefit of the doubt. But anyway, I have a few questions for you since you brought me "home" to you."

"I'm afraid I won't be answering them."

"What!? Why not? You just talked about how much of a great hero I was. Some questions answered shouldn't be too hard. Not like we don't have enough time." Dylan flashed a genuine smile. After pretty much literally going through hell on Earth, through the galaxy...an eternity in Heaven sounded pretty great to him.

"You might not be here with me much longer."

Dylan gulped at that statement. He was by no means an expert in Theology, but he never lost faith, and he knew what not being with God meant.

"Don't worry, son. Your soul is safe. I just said that because you showed fear the last time you were in my presence as well. I know you tried especially hard to not show fear to your squad, to see you show it outwardly to me...it is amusing."

"Needed an ego boost, huh?" The former Commander said as he wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead.

"Remember this, Dylan." The bright light said, emphasizing the use of his first name.

"I and I alone overlook every single soul in the universe. My burden compared to even yours, is like 50 galaxies to a grain of sand. And the amount of people, human or otherwise, that have showed concern for me throughout history have been impossibly minuscule compared to the ignorant that have felt anger towards me, or forgotten me altogether."

"I'm sorry, LORD...I was just kidding, I didn't mean-"

"I know. And feel no pity, for I have also faced rewards greater than you could ever imagine."

"Well, that's a relief to me. But...what about me not being here with you forever? I thought I ascended to Heaven after firing the Crucible."

"You are not in Heaven yet. You are simply at my doorstep. You have a choice to make before I allow you into my kingdom."

"Gazing upon your beauty? Eternal peace and happiness? Enlightenment and personal fulfillment beyond my wildest dreams? Isn't that like an offer I can't refuse or something?"

"Being in My Kingdom is the ultimate and final reward for the living. But I peered into your soul, and saw that there was still an attachment to the physical world that your subconscious continued to fight for, and still does right now."

"We both already know it's Ash, no point in trying to hide it." Dylan said with a sad sigh, knowing she probably thought he was lying dead in a pile of rocks. ...Well, she was right, technically.

"Indeed it is. Honesty is so rare by the living these days...understand it's appreciated, even by me."

"Uh...thanks."

"You know what the reason that you would go back is, and you know that I'm offering you the chance to get back there. And I'm giving you as much added benefit as possible without directly interfering with...the proceedings."

Dylan's head jerked up towards his creator as he began to formulate ideas of what the proceedings that were mentioned could be.

"Do not be surprised, son. Over an Earthen week has passed. Of course those closest to you would want to mourn the loss of you."

Just then the Commander felt the urge in his stomach to turn around, which he did, and was overcome with a sense of joy as he saw a vision of some of the people he had grown to know as war buddies and true friends. All of them were in front of a black gate that seemed to be in front of a graveyard. Shepard couldn't help but notice that everyone there were surrounded around a blonde-haired man with a goatee.

"Who let that idiot in?" Dylan said to God with a bit of a smirk. "Looks a little short on mourners though. I saved the galaxy, I was half expecting parades throughout every street in the system! Not that I'm complaining. I had to fight through an army of people to get what I needed to during the mission, the people who really had my best interests are there. That are still alive anyway. Tali, Garrus, Kasumi, Miranda, Jack, Wrex, Liara, Hackett. Even Kolyat's there! But wait..."

"If it makes you feel better, the Alliance put a large amount of effort into keeping your ceremony as private as possible. Both Kasumi and Conrad weren't even supposed to be there. Kasumi used her cloaking capabilities. Conrad simply hid inside a cargo lock inside the second shuttle to arrive there. That's why your group of friends appear angry with him." The light continued to talk to Dylan in a monotone and calm voice.

"But what about Ash? I need to know she's okay before we go any further."

Dylan then saw Ashley, sitting in front of the coffin the people involved with the funeral had laid, ready to be lowered into an open grave in the ground. A tribute increasingly rare with the rise of cremation.

She had her hair pulled back, almost done into a bow, wearing a black dress that came to her lower thighs and had a design on each side of the dress of two ribbons intertwined, one ribbon the blue of Ashley's Alliance armor, the other the sky blue of Dylan's armor, going up the sides. She was sobbing gently, looking at the coffin. She didn't want to be like this, but after a week of almost everyone telling her, as well as her unbeknownst to Dylan mind-melding session with Liara and seeing the casket in front of her, the female Spectre couldn't help but get emotional.

"Let him rest, dear. Dylan's with God now." The lightly tanned, 40 something year old priest overseeing the funeral said calmly to the crying Ashley, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"If only you knew how true that was!" Dylan said looking down on his lover before he turned back around to the light, representing God.

"Alright, I've seen enough of this! We've already wasted enough time. I've made my decision. Send me back to Ash. Don't let her doubt me again! Please..."

"I assure you, that won't be a concern this time. She saw the error of her ways. But there is something that will be a much bigger problem for you when you go back to the realm of the living. When you get back to Earth, you will be in excruciating pain. Your Cerberus enhancements have been destroyed by the Crucible. I will place you a fair length away from the funeral you saw..."

"Great..."

"...but will also give you strength that will allow you to appear to your friends, and that will require a true effort on your part. Considering it's you, it shouldn't be much of a problem."

"Well, at least I won't be popping out of the damned coffin in front of everybody. Uh...sorry. How are you pulling this off?"

"I do what I want. Do you want me to do what I want, which is help you, or ask me questions about the universe and other things you cannot comprehend?"

"Lets do it! The helping me part, I mean. I'm ready."

"Before you go, my son..."

Dylan suddenly saw a flash and felt a far more intense feeling of warmth than he even felt when he first arrived on God's "doorstep". All pain had been removed, all negative thoughts were non-existent to him, he felt a moment of true joy and happiness to himself. But just as quickly as he was overwhelmed by this feeling, he came back to reality. Dylan still felt great by typical human standards, but not even one percent as great as he felt during that fleeting moment.

"Wow. That was...wow. What did you do? Make me supercharged or something?"

"No. I gave you a moment of feeling what true Heaven would feel like. You are still welcome in my Kingdom for now. I thought you deserved to know before you decided to go back to your world."

"Ouch. Has anybody ever told you how convincing you are? In addition to being awe-inspiring and whatnot."

"I've been told I am every possible thing, in every possible language. I still am humbled by the kind things. So thank you, for the intent of your comment." The-light-who-claimed-to-be-and-pretty-clearly-was -God's ethereal voice had remained the same. Calm. Gentle. Loving. But with a confidence that could bring a Krogan to it's knees, if angered.

"Not like you owe me any thanks..." Dylan began to get a tad nervous as he thought about the decision he was currently faced with.

"So if I ascend to Heaven with you, I get to see my old friends too? Kaidan, Mordin, Anderson, Zaeed, Thane, maybe even Javik? Well, I'm not even sure if half these guys are alive or not..."

"Some you know reside with me. Others don't. You can't know that. But what you absolutely must know is that your time has run out."

Suddenly in between the light and Dylan Shepard appeared a portal of white light with an image of the Pearly Gates of Heaven, and after a shiver rocked it's way through Dylan's spine, he turned around to see a similarly lighted portal, which had a glimpse of Earth, his homeworld in it.

"Simply walk through the portal through which you want to choose. I will say some final words in haste before you depart. Should you walk through the pathway back to Earth, there will be no more chances to come back, should you lose your life a third time, no matter what the reason. I cannot, no matter your deeds."

"Not wanting to play favorites, huh?"

"I suspect many would say I already am. Equally as many would say you should show a larger amount of gratitude."

"Right...I'm sorry. Again. I just can't turn this thing off, you know? I actually am really grateful, and I won't be forgetting this."

"You'll forget all of this. Just like last time, if you return to your life below."

"At least my big mouth hasn't made you not want me around. Going back to Earth's looking more and more like the sucker's choice."

"It's not all bad. As long as your heart stays true, your morals stay strong, and you remain of sound faith. Your place in My Kingdom will remain, regardless of the time that elapses."

Dylan stared at the light in front of him intensely for a few moments, before closing his eyes. Seemingly set in his decision.

"The truth is, Lord...I want to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after with you. But if I did that, that would lead an innocent woman to suffer. One that I happen to feel something for. Something strong. Plus, taking that way...if I did that, I wouldn't even be the man that landed on your "doorstep"."

"I knew you would say that. You haven't changed at all...Commander Shepard."

Dylan smiled wide with a feeling of satisfaction all his own with that comment.

"Hey! Thanks for everything. Don't forget about me or my friends, will ya?"

And with those words. Dylan turned around and jumped into the portal to Earth, turning his body just in time to give the light a final smile before he faded away, back to go to where he belonged with the people who needed him most. And he needed back.

"I never will, my son." The light said to no one in particular, with a tinge of happiness in his voice.

* * *

**Macapá**, **Brazil**

_'Oh...my head. My arms. My legs. Everything hurts.'_

Dylan Shepard awoke, lying in a field, looking very similarly to how he did when he was lying in wreckage in London. He was bloody. He was bruised. He was hurting. His right arm was twitching. That was his focus.

_'Where am I anyway? Is this London? Why is there so much grass around? The last thing I remember is..._

_The Crucible.'_

Dylan wiggled his body back and forth until he slowly managed to sit up, and immediately get partially blinded by the bright sun. He coughed up some blood on himself and started to fall back on the ground, when he heard a familiar voice deep inside his mind, and his heart.

_"Get up, Shepard."_ the familiar voice of EDI sounded in his head.

"Huh!?" Dylan leaned up fast, clutching at his ribs in unimaginable pain.

_"Get up, Shepard."_ Another metallic voice, this time of Legion commanded.

"Okay, okay, give me a second. I'm getting up."

Dylan got his war-torn body off the ground, pressing up as hard as he could with arms until he was upright on his wobbly legs.

_"Get up, Shepard."_ Mordin's voice told his Commander.

"I'm up! I don't know what to do, where I'm at, or what time it is! And I'm talking to myself..."

_"Move forward, Shepard."_ Thane Krios's voice told the pale and bloody human he called his friend.

"Move forward? Ah, ah...okay. I'm trying." Dylan grunted while he dragged his limp body forward. It was a struggle to move even an inch, but he felt something inside. An inner strength flowed through his veins that transcended any sort of pain or risk. He was moving forward, luckily the week his body had spent in London had dried up all of his many wounds. He was in pain and had lost a lot of blood, but seemed to not be losing any more.

_"Straight ahead, Commander!"_ The man Shepard once knew as Kaidan encouraged him to keep going forward.

Dylan just nodded, bearing the strength to offer a smile at hearing his old friend's voice, as he continued to slowly drag himself across a field, the hot sun not making this seemingly pointless trek any easier.

_"Keep going, Shepard. I know you can do it."_ The voice of Admiral David Anderson spoke in Shepard's head as he walked forward.

Dylan looked to his left, then his right and saw visions of all the people talking in his head, which brought a big, bloody, scabby smile to his faced. He knew they were there with him, helping him move every step of the way as he painstakingly stumbled his way forward.

"It feels good moving again...I hope all this isn't just leading me to a mirage or some crap."

* * *

**Dylan Shepard's Funeral**

Ashley had been constantly crying throughout the funeral. Not that the mood hadn't been somber throughout the proceedings. The priest that was overseeing the ceremony blessed Shepard's soul and prayed for an easy journey into God's embrace. Ashley smiled thinking about their little talks about their shared faith. It was like one of their little secrets, something only they understood.

Ashley had heard every conceivable funeral speech. From Kolyat talking some Drell gibberish about "Kalahira" to Wrex hoping that wherever Shepard's corpse is, it gets eaten by something powerful and worthy to a special video message Admiral Hackett played from Javik that was on right now.

Ashley was going to be the last person to speak about Dylan, and she sure as hell didn't know what she was going to say.

"...Morals. Honor. Heart. My people knew none of these things during their time. I knew none of these things. Commander Shepard was a symbol of all three. As well as something else my people never knew...victory. It is a true shame that such a noble warrior such as he sacrifice his own life while the people he fought for live a comfortable life. I encourage all of the people viewing this message to end your own pitiful lives and gain honor by following in his footsteps towards death, as would be done by any soldier with a shred of loyally. That is the only possible way this mission could be considered a success on a personal level to the primitives disgracing Shepard's burial site. ...Thank you all for your time. I hope the human term "Rest in Peace" applies to you, Commander. Farewell."

The video shut off as the crowd watching it looked either awkward, confused, or in Wrex's case, angry.

"We actually had to listen to that claptrap!? We would have been better off just letting Conrad Verner here talk!"

Conrad perked up at the opportunity to give the touching 57,834 word eulogy he memorized to this audience of Dylan Shepard's closest friends. "It would be an honor to- Oof!"

Wrex pushed the uninvited attendee back down in his seat before sitting back down himself. "Quiet, Verner! Nobody wants to hear from you. Let me think about how I want to kill that Prothean."

"Ow! Okay, okay!" The blonde haired doctor slumped in his chair. going back to his previous routine of mourning his fallen hero.

Admiral Hackett decided to step up to the podium in front of the casket and the grave, wearing a black version of his Alliance gear with the initials "DSS" sewn onto the jacket.

"Anyway, we need one more person to speak. And this person might be more qualified than the rest of us here put together. This person is someone who knew Shepard inside and out, and there is no doubting it. If there was one person who the Commander would want to speak on his behalf, it would be his most dear squad mate, and the person he loved with all of his heart...my friend too. Ashley."

Ashley walked up nervously in her dress, holding her own copy of The Bible in her hands. She nodded and forced a smile to Hackett, err, Steven for this funeral anyway, as he saluted her...then gave the female Spectre a big hug, which almost got a real smile out of the woman as she stepped to the podium and laid her Bible down and looked into the crowd.

"Well...um..."

Ashley coughed, then sighed to herself before continuing.

"Alright, look. The reason I'm being awkward isn't just because I'm terrible with words and talking like I usually am. It's because...this is really hard to do...again. And deep down, I know Dylan's still alive. I just...I wish the funeral had been put off until we found a body. I never even got a chance to look...Shepard sure as Hell deserves better than this. He was a true hero, not something for the Council to sweep under the damn rug! And I want to say one more thing too..."

Tears began to roll freely down the proud woman's face in a show of emotion and her vulnerability and her...humanity.

"I know most of you guys think I'm crazy. And don't believe me when I say he's alive. But I don't care if I have to go through every single Councilman, break every single one of the Alliance's protocols, and dig through every inch of this planet. I am not giving up until he's in my arms. Even if I have to search the entire galaxy!"

Ashley slammed a fist to the podium in a determined rage, shedding more tears down her face and onto the podium.

Unbeknownst to herself, who was looking down at her Bible and crying. As well as everyone else there who was facing the casket, there was someone else that heard Ashley's speech, and it made him quicken his pace to a relatively slow jog, as his heart was beating at least a hundred miles per hour the second he got into the vicinity of his lover's voice. This pale, brown haired, extremely bloody and physically decimated individual gingerly fell to his knees right behind everyone, forcing a raspy yell to come from his lips.

"You won't have to look too far!"

Everyone who was sitting down turned around to see the person who emitted the statement, while Ashley jerked her head up in disbelief as she saw the man that this whole day was supposed to be for on his knees, looking like he had been run through a meat grinder, and staring right at her with a big goofy smile on his face.

"Shepard!?" Every one of them cried in unison and disbelief as he fell to the ground, softly rolling on his back to stare at the sky.

The entire group reacted as fast as they could, surrounding around the Commander's fallen body. Conrad Verner even breaking down into hysterical tears at the sight. Ashley ran as fast as she could, as fast as humanly possible in heels from the platform, bursting through the crowd and kneeling at her love's side.

"Dylan...is this really you..?" Ashley said as she took his cold hand into her own.

"Ash...here I was thinking I looked in rough shape..." Dylan Shepard said weakly, still with the smile plastered on his face as he poked fun at the way Ashley looked with a mix of mascara and tears running down her face.

"Well I'm sorry for crying at the fact everybody thought you were dead! I thought I might have lost you again..." Ashley embraced the limp body under her, holding on as tight as she possibly could. She didn't want to let him go again. She wouldn't.

"Uh, not to break up this warm reunion, but he looks really bad. If we don't get him to a Hospital of some sort, we might make it three times we lose him!" Garrus said, not able to maintain his usual calm disposition anymore.

Admiral Hackett wasted no time calling the Alliance on his Omni-Tool, unfortunately the Alliance brass he called seemed to be stalling him.

"I don't give a damn if the entire Krogan fleet has invaded the Citadel! I need space transport for every person here, I want a real ship to pick us up this time and we need it FTL! We've got Commander Shepard."

"Yes, that Commander Shepard! He's barely alive. We need the finest team of doctors you can assemble and a direct route to Huerta. Hackett out. ETA for arrival's 5 minutes with FTL travel capabilities. It's a rush job, but I think they can manage."

"Shepard, how did you get here? I thought the Alliance left you in London. You being here is...truly remarkable." Miranda stepped forward, grabbing ahold of Dylan's other arm.

"This...this isn't London?" Shepard asked, bewildered.

"It's Brazil, Skipper. They wanted to bury you in Macapá." Ashley leaned up, his head cradled in her arms still, trying to ignore Miranda Lawson's prodding of a 95% dead guy.

"Oh...Hey, Ash. I love you." Dylan said before his eyes shut slowly, which sent Ashley and the other people around into a panic.

"No...you aren't dying in my arms, Skipper! I know you didn't come back to us just to do this." Ashley immediately started to lose her composure again as she felt him lose consciousness.

"Look, everyone! The shuttle's here!" Liara shouted out and pointed to the sky as the large Alliance cruiser set down in an emergency landing zone, a hundred yards away from the funeral setup.

"We don't have much time, grab Shepard and carry him to the ship. The rest of us need to move!" Liara yelled exasperated with so much to take in, she sprinted to the ship as Wrex picked up the Commander's body and started to follow behind.

"And do it gently, big guy." Kasumi tapped the Krogan's arm before running to the ship.

"Shepard's in great hands with me!" Wrex yelled out a Krogan battle cry in excitement of seeing his friend alive. Then ran off to the ship so Shepard could get medical attention for his many wounds.

Ashley silently prayed to herself that whatever treatment Dylan would need, it wouldn't stop him for long. She had so many things she needed to tell him.

**Chapter End.**

* * *

_***A/N:**_ _Another terribly difficult chapter to write. Normally I think I've done an okay job of staying true to everyone's personalities, but for this chapter, I'm pretty sure I didn't do a certain "character" justice by any means. So forgive me for that. Speaking of chapters, a much more normal one's coming up, thank God. (No pun intended) Hope you liked my chapter and story thus far, my friends. Thank you for reading!_

_Also sorry for the long wait. I had this written a month ago and then... Internet problems. I really hope the next chapter_ _doesn't take as long to put up._


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